God is greater than a Sat-Nav?

So, in my delirious state last night I flopped and said Tuesday would be a Netflix review day, however I thought it was still Sunday... it was 4:22am and therefor actually Monday...Good one.
So considering I started my new job today I am going to do a little real life blog, with a couple of horrendous photos featuring yours truly.

9 a.m wake up call... 9 fucking a.m...

Yeah... This is the face of true beauty at 9a.m when you have only had 4 hours sleep... my face is even still half asleep, I have no idea why its looking so lopsided but hey, raring to start the day?

And this is the moment I realised that I actually had to start work today! (Monday) After having a week off to move into my new house... Fuck reality! 

Full of apprehension and worry about starting a new job (not that I ever show this) But going through my head was a million questions about who I would be working with, the service users and the staff.

When payday was so me and my wife could actually afford rent and... yeah, fuck it no one wants to hear all that boring stuff! 

Turns out its all amazing blah, blah, blah. 

Now, on the way back home I notice the greatest sign of all time...

"GOD, gives you better direction than a Sat-Nav"... Just, what do you say? Like who is sitting there thinking of this stuff? Just Doris and her merry little men sitting there under a statue of Christ, drinking wine and eating bread and talking about their new 14 inch dildos. When she turns to everyone with this beautiful slogan, it is such a knockout she becomes a cult leader aiming to end sat navs and blaring out "JESUS TAAAAKE THE WHEEL!" 

Police - "Hello, Police service, what is your emergency?" 

Doris - "Oh thank goodness officer, I took a wrong turn and I am hopelessly lost"

Police - "Okay Ms, do you have a Sat-Nav in the car?"

Doris (utterly offended) - "No!"

Police - "Okay, well, are you calling from a smart phone?"

Doris - "Yes, of course! are you going to track the GPS?"

Police - "Well...no, not right away, open Google maps and use it to track your location and it works just like a Sat-N..."

Doris (Furious) - "NO, No Sat-Navs, God will always give me better direction than a Sat-Nav!"
Police - "Oh, it's you Doris... You know what, let god help you find your way home, stop wasting my time and I will chalk this one up to natural fucking selection. Bye"


Home Sweet Home!

After nearly dying at this sign and thinking of how I was going to relay just how funny I found this sign to you guys I ventured on home. Legit shattered, wolfed down some bangers and mash which my wife made with love and affection, chugged down a cider, had a bubble bath, a nice long soak, lovely washed hair, trimmed up pubes... Too far?

Cotched out on the sofa with the Mrs watching 'Handmaids Tale' (Legit, most messed up thing that has ever been released on to this world) Falling asleep on the sofa before getting my 2nd wind to write this blog.

Yes I do fucking rock these PJs! The look of a man who's highlight of the day was a sign outside a church, give me a break and tell me my Pjs are sexy.

P.S. In response to Scott

Scott left the following comment on my last blog...

"I'd really like a blog on the useless ring pull seals on a bottle of sweet chilli sauce, and ultimately a damn good explanation as to why they are so fucking useless and snap EVERY time you pull them, before I head to Blue Dragon HQ, and kick the fucking "Szcheuan" out of the packaging director...."

So, Scott was actually someone who came with me on my Stag Do to Thailand, and in response to this Scott, how much/often did Thailand try to kill you? 

Let us make a list...

• Did not even manage to get the stag on the same flight as you...
• Lost Phone (first day)
• Spent ALL his money
• Had his bank card eaten by a Thai ATM
• Got lost on the Phi Phi island
• Got a tattoo that you can not guarantee what it said (while battered)
• Lost 5000 baht (same night he withdrew it)
• Was so hungover he missed going to the elephant sanctuary (which he already paid for)

I am sure there are some more things Thailand did to violate you but to be honest I was just as fucked up and barely remember anything either!

So to answer your question, Thailand is still trying to kill you and ruin your life, it followed us home and will be with us forever, not like you needed anymore bad luck haha!

Anyway, time to go to bed! Back to work tomorrow "JESUS TAKE THE WHEEEEEEL!" Goodnight!

Kieren x