10 things you didn't know you need to do before you die (or do you)
I guarantee that you have thought about at least one if not all of these things to do before you die if not you will do after this. I don't mean boring stuff like go on a bungee jump or skydive I mean the things that you really don't want to do but you're just so curious. Okay here we go.
1) Get shot. I'm sure you've sat there and turned to your partner or mate or family member and said "I wonder what it feels like to be shot" of course you want it to be nowhere lethal. Through your hand or something just so you know what it feels like. No? Well let that sink in, you'll get there.
2) Go to prison/jail. Why do you think Orange is the new black is so popular? no guys and girls it's not because of all the lesbian action... but it does help. It's because it gives you an insight into the unknown. I don't know about you but I'd love to see if prison is as bad as we all think it is. Just for like a week or something when you're really old, would be awesome!
3) Disappear. Literally get to a certain point in your life and just vanish and attempt to start a new. Even if you are the happiest person in the world, don't you think it would be interesting to see if you could do it? Get a new job, learn a new language, new culture, new friends, new hobbies. It's a bit like when you delete your club on ultimate team and attempt a road to glory, you can't tell me that's not fun!
4) Do drugs. I don't mean weed as weed is just weed, no big deal. I mean the ones we are all scared of taking like LSD and crack. Now I'm not telling you to go out and start taking drugs, especially not the big ones that we are scared of. I mean when you're old and already dying it would be interesting to see how much the drugs fuck you up!
5) Go gay. Well I know most of us got our homoerotic experiences out of the way early on during our teens this ranged from kisses to inappropriate touching, and for the really bold maybe a little oral exploration (just to say there was no inappropriate touching on my end, there may have been some kissing but that is all... for now) but no one went fully gay... I think. No man can sit their and hand on their heart say that they have never wondered what it's like to have something up ze bum. This is usually said like this "well if gay guys do it, it must feel good, they're not just going to be doing it for no reason" I could be wrong but go for it see how the other half live. Another thing, why is girl on girl considered sexy and "okay" but guy on guy is considered disgusting and wrong? If you're going to be a homophobic wanker you got to stop jerkin the gherkin to lesbian midget porn, yeah I'm looking at you president Trump.
6) Die. Sounds stupid as a list of things to do BEFORE you die BUT hear me out. So die, for like 10 minutes and get resusatated just to see if you do get to visit the pearly gates, the fiery ones or shot straight up into space (oh please let it be space). To see if your life does flash before your eyes, so you can relieve your entire life in those 10 minutes then just get up and walk off like a boss. Not to mention knowing exactly how it will feel to die reducing any fear and anxiety about it's unknown and you can live out the rest of your life in relative bliss.
7) Brake a bone. Most people will brake a bone throughout their life but so many will not (of course noses, fingers, toes and wrists don't count as they don't really hurt that much) I mean full on breaking your leg or arm, just to see how much it hurts (and free gas and air, everyone loves that shit). I know I'm starting to come off as a sadistic closeted homosexual drug addict but I can't be the only one who thinks these things... can I?
8) Running into a wedding just as the vicar asks if anyone has any reason why the bride and groom should not be joined in holy matrimony and proceed to reel of utter bullshit (just like the movies). I'm so curious as to what would happen, in the movies everyone just stands there and watches as some dickhead just bursts in and ruins your wedding. Fuck me, if it was me it would be like the lynch mob that chased frankenstein monster! Oh and it has to be a random persons wedding to make it that much better!
9) Sell everything you own, remove every penny of savings, get every last bit of your pension and go to Vegas. Bet all of it on Red or Black. You lose, you're homeless in America (thus completing your disappearing thing before you die) you win you're now 2x richer than you were and can have a much more comfortable life. Win win if you ask me.
10) Get dropped into the jungle/desert/forest and told to fend for yourself and try to find your way out. You can channel your inner Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake eater version of Snake. Hunt for food, water, shelter, everything. How many times have you watched 'I'm a celebrity get me out of here' and wished you could be on it. Well you can! And you don't have to be surrounded by z list humans trying to reignite a career they didn't even have in the first place!
I have more, depending on how well this does I'll do another 10 but as this is slightly different to the other blogs I don't know how it will be precieved.
Anyway I'm currently on a plane to Vegas with 400k in a suitcase... wish me luck and goodbye!
Kieren
1) Get shot. I'm sure you've sat there and turned to your partner or mate or family member and said "I wonder what it feels like to be shot" of course you want it to be nowhere lethal. Through your hand or something just so you know what it feels like. No? Well let that sink in, you'll get there.
2) Go to prison/jail. Why do you think Orange is the new black is so popular? no guys and girls it's not because of all the lesbian action... but it does help. It's because it gives you an insight into the unknown. I don't know about you but I'd love to see if prison is as bad as we all think it is. Just for like a week or something when you're really old, would be awesome!
3) Disappear. Literally get to a certain point in your life and just vanish and attempt to start a new. Even if you are the happiest person in the world, don't you think it would be interesting to see if you could do it? Get a new job, learn a new language, new culture, new friends, new hobbies. It's a bit like when you delete your club on ultimate team and attempt a road to glory, you can't tell me that's not fun!
4) Do drugs. I don't mean weed as weed is just weed, no big deal. I mean the ones we are all scared of taking like LSD and crack. Now I'm not telling you to go out and start taking drugs, especially not the big ones that we are scared of. I mean when you're old and already dying it would be interesting to see how much the drugs fuck you up!
5) Go gay. Well I know most of us got our homoerotic experiences out of the way early on during our teens this ranged from kisses to inappropriate touching, and for the really bold maybe a little oral exploration (just to say there was no inappropriate touching on my end, there may have been some kissing but that is all... for now) but no one went fully gay... I think. No man can sit their and hand on their heart say that they have never wondered what it's like to have something up ze bum. This is usually said like this "well if gay guys do it, it must feel good, they're not just going to be doing it for no reason" I could be wrong but go for it see how the other half live. Another thing, why is girl on girl considered sexy and "okay" but guy on guy is considered disgusting and wrong? If you're going to be a homophobic wanker you got to stop jerkin the gherkin to lesbian midget porn, yeah I'm looking at you president Trump.
6) Die. Sounds stupid as a list of things to do BEFORE you die BUT hear me out. So die, for like 10 minutes and get resusatated just to see if you do get to visit the pearly gates, the fiery ones or shot straight up into space (oh please let it be space). To see if your life does flash before your eyes, so you can relieve your entire life in those 10 minutes then just get up and walk off like a boss. Not to mention knowing exactly how it will feel to die reducing any fear and anxiety about it's unknown and you can live out the rest of your life in relative bliss.
7) Brake a bone. Most people will brake a bone throughout their life but so many will not (of course noses, fingers, toes and wrists don't count as they don't really hurt that much) I mean full on breaking your leg or arm, just to see how much it hurts (and free gas and air, everyone loves that shit). I know I'm starting to come off as a sadistic closeted homosexual drug addict but I can't be the only one who thinks these things... can I?
8) Running into a wedding just as the vicar asks if anyone has any reason why the bride and groom should not be joined in holy matrimony and proceed to reel of utter bullshit (just like the movies). I'm so curious as to what would happen, in the movies everyone just stands there and watches as some dickhead just bursts in and ruins your wedding. Fuck me, if it was me it would be like the lynch mob that chased frankenstein monster! Oh and it has to be a random persons wedding to make it that much better!
9) Sell everything you own, remove every penny of savings, get every last bit of your pension and go to Vegas. Bet all of it on Red or Black. You lose, you're homeless in America (thus completing your disappearing thing before you die) you win you're now 2x richer than you were and can have a much more comfortable life. Win win if you ask me.
10) Get dropped into the jungle/desert/forest and told to fend for yourself and try to find your way out. You can channel your inner Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake eater version of Snake. Hunt for food, water, shelter, everything. How many times have you watched 'I'm a celebrity get me out of here' and wished you could be on it. Well you can! And you don't have to be surrounded by z list humans trying to reignite a career they didn't even have in the first place!
I have more, depending on how well this does I'll do another 10 but as this is slightly different to the other blogs I don't know how it will be precieved.
Anyway I'm currently on a plane to Vegas with 400k in a suitcase... wish me luck and goodbye!
Kieren
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