The ramblings of the curious mind
Do you ever sit there and hear someone say something and start going off on some epic tangent in your head? Well I do! After I think of this I wonder is there anyone out there that actually thinks the same thing as I do, so I decided to write a blog to entertain those who think I'm some kind of nut job and to extend a hand to my fellow nut jobs!
Last night my girlfriend was on the phone to her auntie and after the usual boring conversation the ensues between niece and auntie (oh, side tangent... this may happen a lot bare with me! I honestly do not know why people have a phone to have a "private" conversation but have their phone so loud that everyone to a 10mile radios can hear your conversation! I felt like the third wheel at a party I wasn't even invited to, hearing an entire conversation between 2 people and they are directly next to you but you no longer exist! Sorry, side note over back to whatever I was saying) I hear her auntie say "alright I'll let you go"... all right I'll let you go? Sorry? What? I mean I know it's a common thing to say on the phone, usually uttered by those pushing 50 but I never really thought about how rediculois of a saying it really is, it bothered me so much I'm making a blog... yes I really do have nothing better to do with my time! "Alright I'll let you go" like you have a choice in the matter, is a phone call from you some sought of binding contract in which I may not hang up the phone until you have told me otherwise? If that's the case I'll be putting one of those warning alarms on that contact for when they ring so you know if you answer this call you may be trapped for some time, there is no escape. Fuck that! I'd keep my phone on 1% battery so that Apple could give you a get out of jail free card before you have been given permission to leave! Moving on...
This is a weird one I'll give you that...BUT... does anyone else have a particular pair of socks that make your big toe look like that of a Raptors? I mean makes that thing look 3 times bigger than it does in any other pair of socks? And I don't mean "well now you mention it, my toe does look mildly bigger" I mean if you look down at your toe right now and get alarmed that Fred Flintstone may have misplaced his club! My mum got me this set of Pokemon socks for Christmas, yes I'm 25 and I'm wearing Pokémon socks, l regret nothing each sock has one of the original starter Pokémon on them, pikachu, bulbasaur, squirtle and Charmander.... That little organge bastard Charmander is the set of socks (out of all four) that has this disastrous effect on my big toes. So if you're in the vicinity of a Primark and you pop in to have a look (SIDE TANGENT ALERT! Primark... just, Primark. How does a shop run with half of its products strewn across the floor like some kind of garbage sale? Honestly I avoid it whenever possible but love most of the stuff in their, the struggle. No joke I walked in there with a young child once... I should explain this was my friends little brother I didn't just randomly abduct a small child and decide to drag them through Primark... annnnnyway I was looking at a rather fetching £5 plain black t-shirt trying to decide if it was worth it, on reflection since the price of everything has gone up I should have emptied the fucking rail of them a got the lot. I looked round to see if my mates brother was alright... he was gone. I looked all over that hell hole, slowly feeling all colour draining from me. It was honestly starting to look like 'Taken 7003' I was calling everyone on my phone accusing them of stealing him to play a joke on me "I will find you, and I will kill you" was uttered to all those unhelpful bastards. I had almost given up and was getting ready to hand my life over to my mate who's brother I had lost when suddenly I saw it, a small hand reaching from a pile of discarded denim, I ran over there hurdling low table after low table and slipping on Bras and t-shirts and tripping over shoes but I made it and pulled the drowning child from the fashion disaster of denim, went to hug him out of pure relief... wasn't even him never had such disapproving and disgusted looks aimed at me before in my life. I apologised turned round and there the little shit was standing there "can we go now I'm bored" I was honestly considering calling the NSPCC on myself and then punting him across the store, but no I'm fine. Turns out he was hiding in the changing rooms...perv) at some socks, avoid all Pokémon related product under threat of alarming toe growth!
Okay I have gone on long enough I'll let you go!
Kieren
Last night my girlfriend was on the phone to her auntie and after the usual boring conversation the ensues between niece and auntie (oh, side tangent... this may happen a lot bare with me! I honestly do not know why people have a phone to have a "private" conversation but have their phone so loud that everyone to a 10mile radios can hear your conversation! I felt like the third wheel at a party I wasn't even invited to, hearing an entire conversation between 2 people and they are directly next to you but you no longer exist! Sorry, side note over back to whatever I was saying) I hear her auntie say "alright I'll let you go"... all right I'll let you go? Sorry? What? I mean I know it's a common thing to say on the phone, usually uttered by those pushing 50 but I never really thought about how rediculois of a saying it really is, it bothered me so much I'm making a blog... yes I really do have nothing better to do with my time! "Alright I'll let you go" like you have a choice in the matter, is a phone call from you some sought of binding contract in which I may not hang up the phone until you have told me otherwise? If that's the case I'll be putting one of those warning alarms on that contact for when they ring so you know if you answer this call you may be trapped for some time, there is no escape. Fuck that! I'd keep my phone on 1% battery so that Apple could give you a get out of jail free card before you have been given permission to leave! Moving on...
This is a weird one I'll give you that...BUT... does anyone else have a particular pair of socks that make your big toe look like that of a Raptors? I mean makes that thing look 3 times bigger than it does in any other pair of socks? And I don't mean "well now you mention it, my toe does look mildly bigger" I mean if you look down at your toe right now and get alarmed that Fred Flintstone may have misplaced his club! My mum got me this set of Pokemon socks for Christmas, yes I'm 25 and I'm wearing Pokémon socks, l regret nothing each sock has one of the original starter Pokémon on them, pikachu, bulbasaur, squirtle and Charmander.... That little organge bastard Charmander is the set of socks (out of all four) that has this disastrous effect on my big toes. So if you're in the vicinity of a Primark and you pop in to have a look (SIDE TANGENT ALERT! Primark... just, Primark. How does a shop run with half of its products strewn across the floor like some kind of garbage sale? Honestly I avoid it whenever possible but love most of the stuff in their, the struggle. No joke I walked in there with a young child once... I should explain this was my friends little brother I didn't just randomly abduct a small child and decide to drag them through Primark... annnnnyway I was looking at a rather fetching £5 plain black t-shirt trying to decide if it was worth it, on reflection since the price of everything has gone up I should have emptied the fucking rail of them a got the lot. I looked round to see if my mates brother was alright... he was gone. I looked all over that hell hole, slowly feeling all colour draining from me. It was honestly starting to look like 'Taken 7003' I was calling everyone on my phone accusing them of stealing him to play a joke on me "I will find you, and I will kill you" was uttered to all those unhelpful bastards. I had almost given up and was getting ready to hand my life over to my mate who's brother I had lost when suddenly I saw it, a small hand reaching from a pile of discarded denim, I ran over there hurdling low table after low table and slipping on Bras and t-shirts and tripping over shoes but I made it and pulled the drowning child from the fashion disaster of denim, went to hug him out of pure relief... wasn't even him never had such disapproving and disgusted looks aimed at me before in my life. I apologised turned round and there the little shit was standing there "can we go now I'm bored" I was honestly considering calling the NSPCC on myself and then punting him across the store, but no I'm fine. Turns out he was hiding in the changing rooms...perv) at some socks, avoid all Pokémon related product under threat of alarming toe growth!
Okay I have gone on long enough I'll let you go!
Kieren
Comments
Post a Comment