The British saying 'Sorry' and accidental invisible theft!
You know people say that British people (well English people) say sorry too much? They are not wrong! Honestly I could get stabbed and probably still say sorry! Anyone else apologised to a mannequin in a clothing shop? I sure have. even then, still wasn't my fault, gangly bastard had his leg stuck out, I tripped over it and I apologise! I mean firstly even if this was a human I was the victim of this tripping and yet I say sorry? Secondly, it was not a human it's a fucking mannequin...
when you get stuck in those really awkward situations where you and another person are braced for impact but both realise this at the last second and begin evasive manoeuvres, but horror. You both go the same way, now in unison "sorry" you both try the other way "sorry" one more fucking time "sorry" I honestly don't think this situation can be resolved without someone making the ultimate sacrifiace and saying "oh look now we're dancing"...
1) who dances by jumping left to right And wiggling their head in front of a person in a slight crouch? 2) Why did no one just stand still and allow the other person to go around you so you could avoid this ugly outcome?
After you or your new found dance partner have uttered these disgraceful words, the response is always the same, a quick fleeting ultra forced and fake laugh before you head on past one another. Both feeling like the most awful human beings in history. The laugher walks away feeling like a cheap whore after giving their laughs away to such a cheesy piece of shit. The dance initiator walks away with their head down, feeling the shame but ultimately feeling that the solution was resolved and can walk away with slightly more pride.
The reason I say this is an English thing more than a British thing as I have bumped into Scots before and I tell you the words were not "sorry" that they said... (of course I had already said sorry by this point) they respond to my apology with "ACK watch wer ye goin' ye wee little bastard"... I was 6. Another one is the Irish, though throughly more pleasant to be around they don't do any of that "sorry" shit (now I know that the Republic of Ireland is not actually part of Britain but it's the only thing I have to go on as I have not been to Northern Ireland. Northern Ireland Irish may be a whole lot different but yeah) when I went for a lads weekend in Dublin for a mates 21st there was one club called 'Copper Face Jacks' which had like 4 floors and each floor was packed to the brim and people just did not give a fuck. People would full on shoulder barge you every second and of course "sorry"..."sorry"..."sorry"..."sorry"... "sorry" all being said from me. Until, I stood up and enough was enough it's was time to shove back, tighten up the shoulder and start to barge and one by one see people attempt to turn to fight you but the club was so dense they couldn't even turn, dickheads. No sorry from them, what kind of animal raised you? Not to mention the unspeakable embarrassment when you attempt to shoulder barge someone and you're then one that goes flying... "sorry mate"... it's a curse.
You ever walk into a shop, look around, don't buy anything and just leave? Sounds perfectly normal right? To a sane person it sounds normal but not me! I walk into that shop, look around realise it's not got what I want or is just the complete wrong shop so head for the door. You look at those big white security alarm things on either side of the door and think "omg they're going to go off, everyone is looking at you, they think you stole something... did you steal something? No of course I didn't. NO! Don't check your pockets it looks to suspicious. Just get through the door, if the alarm goes off we will decide wether to run or go fetal and beg for mercy" you're sweating. Every single eye is.... literally looking nowhere near you even the security guard is tailing an 85 year old woman with a suspiciously large trolley she got from home But still you think you can feel their cold judgemental stare burrowing it's way into you very soul. You reach the door, no alarm. Thank god. Walk to the bus stop, go home, lay low for about 6 months before ever returning to that store. That is how it goes if you're lucky. It will go like this most of the time if you abide by simple rules.
1) NEVER leave the shop at the same time as someone else, because if they're a genuine thieving bastard then they will set the alarm off and your left there cowering on the floor waiting for the security guard to kill you.
2) Check your pockets before you get to the panic leave moment. Honestly the amount of times I've been holding something in my hand and got distracted, and assumed it was my phone or wallet in my hand and have just put it in my pocket is terrifying. I mean, 60kg of pik-a-mix feels exactly like a phone...
3) Do all your shopping online. Why do people even go to shops anymore? You can get EVERYTHING that you can get in the shop, usually cheaper! How many times have you gone to a shop to get a game or something that online says is £20 or BOGOF and you go to the shop to go get it and they say "sorry (see so British) that's only an online promotion, it's actually £55 in store"... just shut the fuck up. You are the exact same company as the website, to be honest, Kevin, I think I saw your muggy picture on one of the fucking pages! So you mean to tell me I've just walked all the way down here to get shafted like that? "Sorry sir, that's just how it works". Someone really must explain this to me. Anyway shop online and no risk of anxiety attacks, panic attacks or flailing around on the floor like magikarp.
Sorry to keep you. I truly am sorry. I hope you enjoyed reading this, if not... I'm sorry.
Sorry again
Kieren
when you get stuck in those really awkward situations where you and another person are braced for impact but both realise this at the last second and begin evasive manoeuvres, but horror. You both go the same way, now in unison "sorry" you both try the other way "sorry" one more fucking time "sorry" I honestly don't think this situation can be resolved without someone making the ultimate sacrifiace and saying "oh look now we're dancing"...
1) who dances by jumping left to right And wiggling their head in front of a person in a slight crouch? 2) Why did no one just stand still and allow the other person to go around you so you could avoid this ugly outcome?
After you or your new found dance partner have uttered these disgraceful words, the response is always the same, a quick fleeting ultra forced and fake laugh before you head on past one another. Both feeling like the most awful human beings in history. The laugher walks away feeling like a cheap whore after giving their laughs away to such a cheesy piece of shit. The dance initiator walks away with their head down, feeling the shame but ultimately feeling that the solution was resolved and can walk away with slightly more pride.
The reason I say this is an English thing more than a British thing as I have bumped into Scots before and I tell you the words were not "sorry" that they said... (of course I had already said sorry by this point) they respond to my apology with "ACK watch wer ye goin' ye wee little bastard"... I was 6. Another one is the Irish, though throughly more pleasant to be around they don't do any of that "sorry" shit (now I know that the Republic of Ireland is not actually part of Britain but it's the only thing I have to go on as I have not been to Northern Ireland. Northern Ireland Irish may be a whole lot different but yeah) when I went for a lads weekend in Dublin for a mates 21st there was one club called 'Copper Face Jacks' which had like 4 floors and each floor was packed to the brim and people just did not give a fuck. People would full on shoulder barge you every second and of course "sorry"..."sorry"..."sorry"..."sorry"... "sorry" all being said from me. Until, I stood up and enough was enough it's was time to shove back, tighten up the shoulder and start to barge and one by one see people attempt to turn to fight you but the club was so dense they couldn't even turn, dickheads. No sorry from them, what kind of animal raised you? Not to mention the unspeakable embarrassment when you attempt to shoulder barge someone and you're then one that goes flying... "sorry mate"... it's a curse.
You ever walk into a shop, look around, don't buy anything and just leave? Sounds perfectly normal right? To a sane person it sounds normal but not me! I walk into that shop, look around realise it's not got what I want or is just the complete wrong shop so head for the door. You look at those big white security alarm things on either side of the door and think "omg they're going to go off, everyone is looking at you, they think you stole something... did you steal something? No of course I didn't. NO! Don't check your pockets it looks to suspicious. Just get through the door, if the alarm goes off we will decide wether to run or go fetal and beg for mercy" you're sweating. Every single eye is.... literally looking nowhere near you even the security guard is tailing an 85 year old woman with a suspiciously large trolley she got from home But still you think you can feel their cold judgemental stare burrowing it's way into you very soul. You reach the door, no alarm. Thank god. Walk to the bus stop, go home, lay low for about 6 months before ever returning to that store. That is how it goes if you're lucky. It will go like this most of the time if you abide by simple rules.
1) NEVER leave the shop at the same time as someone else, because if they're a genuine thieving bastard then they will set the alarm off and your left there cowering on the floor waiting for the security guard to kill you.
2) Check your pockets before you get to the panic leave moment. Honestly the amount of times I've been holding something in my hand and got distracted, and assumed it was my phone or wallet in my hand and have just put it in my pocket is terrifying. I mean, 60kg of pik-a-mix feels exactly like a phone...
3) Do all your shopping online. Why do people even go to shops anymore? You can get EVERYTHING that you can get in the shop, usually cheaper! How many times have you gone to a shop to get a game or something that online says is £20 or BOGOF and you go to the shop to go get it and they say "sorry (see so British) that's only an online promotion, it's actually £55 in store"... just shut the fuck up. You are the exact same company as the website, to be honest, Kevin, I think I saw your muggy picture on one of the fucking pages! So you mean to tell me I've just walked all the way down here to get shafted like that? "Sorry sir, that's just how it works". Someone really must explain this to me. Anyway shop online and no risk of anxiety attacks, panic attacks or flailing around on the floor like magikarp.
Sorry to keep you. I truly am sorry. I hope you enjoyed reading this, if not... I'm sorry.
Sorry again
Kieren
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