Language, Faking injury and being Ginger!
Does anyone ever wonder how language actually came to be? Like obviously with the theory of evolution and all that jazz, language will have evolved with it. However, who was the first person to have a conversation? Not only that, who was the the first person to understand the words being said? I'm sure there is some long actual explanation to this but I just don't know it so I thought I'd talk about it! How did people communicate at the beginning of time? History indicates that cavemen communicated in grunts and violence (like animals) but how did grunts evolve into early language and Latin? And how did it end up being the way it is now? Why has it ended up the way it has now? Why are there so many languages? Why are we not all still speaking Latin? And which son of a bitch thought they were important enough to name something and tell everyone that's what it must be called? Like why is an apple called an apple? Who actually looked at it and plucked out the air the word apple and everyone just accepted it? What if I want to call it a cranline or something? Bloody self important bastards. Like I say there probably is a really simple answer to this (there better not be) but it has been something that has been on my mind ever since I was a small child!
Anyway...
Have you ever hurt yourself in an embarrassing way and have to over react your injury so people won't take the piss out of you... or they will at least feel bad about it? I remember when I was at college and I was outside with a friend of mine having a crafty fag (because we were so cool we couldn't go to our next lesson without a cigarette no matter how late it will make you) due to this fag we realise we are now 10 minutes late to our lesson so we run, naturally. So we are sprinting back to the college and my mate is in front of me and I'm directly behind him, he has side stepped but I've ploughed on straight ahead, right into a fucking chair that is holding the door open (it was a fire door so it shouldn't have been propped open anyway!) I went flying and went down holding my leg like ronaldo after being touched by a feather. Now it's time to act, I can hear the sniggering begin so i silence that shit with a wail of pain. My teacher had come over at this point and tried to help me up but I knock his hand away in a dramatic fashion so everyone knows it hurts too much to stand (of course it does not hurt at all but your life would be over after tripping over a chair like a dickhead) I remember my teacher bending down and whispering in my ear "get up now mate, no ones laughing anymore" what a fucking hero. I gingerly (no giggling you bastards, for those who don't know I am ginger...) return to my feet and hop, limp and lean my way to the medical centre (also known as the shop for another fag and a can on Monster) before returning a wounded warrior and not even a glimpse of a smile, master of cunning.
On the subject of gingers and being ginger, why and how did ginger become an insult? When your balls deep in an incredible argument heading towards fight territory and your opponent calls you "ginger" and you sit there slightly confused. What is the response to that "yeah you brunette"? Or "congratulations you're not colour blind"? You've literally just stated my hair colour and said it with an offensive tone I honestly still can't understand it. People say it's because it's not a common hair colour, that's racist! The first racists were so because black people were not the dominant colour at the time. So because my hair colour is not the most common colour, you think you can insult it? Racist bastards! When I was in school I was called 'Seggers' which stands for segregation/segregated... because I'm ginger! Even now I'm still called seggers! The only saving grace was when I was clubbing a few months back and my so called "friends" are trying to pull but at this point we are 24 and the girls are 18 which to put into pedo perspective, these girls were in year 6 maaaaybe year 7 when you were in year 11, yeah, sounds creepy when you put it like that right. I may be ginger but you're a pedophile so 🖕. Anyway I digress. We're there and they are all flirting away when suddenly as a way of an attempt to be funny around the girls and show their 'well good lads banter' they start referencing my gingerness... then, the unexpected happened. I didn't have to defend myself! The girls starting piping up and saying "I like gingers, I really like the colour, I wish I was ginger" I honestly nearly died inhaling my cigarette, I don't mean the smoke, I mean the entire cigarette! My friends said "yeah but he's seggers?" They really thought that they would be able to bond over this... to which the reply came from the girls "What the fuck does seggers mean?" Was I in heaven? The look on their faces as they realised they are really fucking old and no one uses their banterish words anymore! I get teary eyed just thinking about it... if only I was born 6 years later the world would have been glorious!
Anyway Seggers out.
Kieren
Anyway...
Have you ever hurt yourself in an embarrassing way and have to over react your injury so people won't take the piss out of you... or they will at least feel bad about it? I remember when I was at college and I was outside with a friend of mine having a crafty fag (because we were so cool we couldn't go to our next lesson without a cigarette no matter how late it will make you) due to this fag we realise we are now 10 minutes late to our lesson so we run, naturally. So we are sprinting back to the college and my mate is in front of me and I'm directly behind him, he has side stepped but I've ploughed on straight ahead, right into a fucking chair that is holding the door open (it was a fire door so it shouldn't have been propped open anyway!) I went flying and went down holding my leg like ronaldo after being touched by a feather. Now it's time to act, I can hear the sniggering begin so i silence that shit with a wail of pain. My teacher had come over at this point and tried to help me up but I knock his hand away in a dramatic fashion so everyone knows it hurts too much to stand (of course it does not hurt at all but your life would be over after tripping over a chair like a dickhead) I remember my teacher bending down and whispering in my ear "get up now mate, no ones laughing anymore" what a fucking hero. I gingerly (no giggling you bastards, for those who don't know I am ginger...) return to my feet and hop, limp and lean my way to the medical centre (also known as the shop for another fag and a can on Monster) before returning a wounded warrior and not even a glimpse of a smile, master of cunning.
On the subject of gingers and being ginger, why and how did ginger become an insult? When your balls deep in an incredible argument heading towards fight territory and your opponent calls you "ginger" and you sit there slightly confused. What is the response to that "yeah you brunette"? Or "congratulations you're not colour blind"? You've literally just stated my hair colour and said it with an offensive tone I honestly still can't understand it. People say it's because it's not a common hair colour, that's racist! The first racists were so because black people were not the dominant colour at the time. So because my hair colour is not the most common colour, you think you can insult it? Racist bastards! When I was in school I was called 'Seggers' which stands for segregation/segregated... because I'm ginger! Even now I'm still called seggers! The only saving grace was when I was clubbing a few months back and my so called "friends" are trying to pull but at this point we are 24 and the girls are 18 which to put into pedo perspective, these girls were in year 6 maaaaybe year 7 when you were in year 11, yeah, sounds creepy when you put it like that right. I may be ginger but you're a pedophile so 🖕. Anyway I digress. We're there and they are all flirting away when suddenly as a way of an attempt to be funny around the girls and show their 'well good lads banter' they start referencing my gingerness... then, the unexpected happened. I didn't have to defend myself! The girls starting piping up and saying "I like gingers, I really like the colour, I wish I was ginger" I honestly nearly died inhaling my cigarette, I don't mean the smoke, I mean the entire cigarette! My friends said "yeah but he's seggers?" They really thought that they would be able to bond over this... to which the reply came from the girls "What the fuck does seggers mean?" Was I in heaven? The look on their faces as they realised they are really fucking old and no one uses their banterish words anymore! I get teary eyed just thinking about it... if only I was born 6 years later the world would have been glorious!
Anyway Seggers out.
Kieren
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