Public Awkwardness and the "you too" shame!
Do you ever see someone you know in the street and immediately prey that they didn't see you? You just stare at the floor avoiding any form of eye contact but the evil part of your brain (you know the same part which makes you laugh at inappropriate times such as charity adverts? Or when you see someone on the edge of of the train platform and that dark part of your brain says "you could push them you know?" Even though you know you never would, it's there nipping away at you, or it could just be me?) says "look at them, they're your friend, say hello" you try to fight it and just stare straight ahead, hoping and wishing that they are just thinking and doing the exact same as you are. Wishing that they don't succum to the dark side of their brains persuasive voice. Moment of truth, you must pass one another. For the lucky few, who were both strong you passed without even the slightest eye contact and you can reward yourself with a text "think I saw you in town mate, sorry I didn't say hi as I wasn't sure it was you LOL" then you can arrange a socially acceptable time to see one another instead of this spontaneous bullshit. For those not so lucky (moment of silence please) we've all been there. It's a dark place. You're staying strong keeping your steeley gaze dead ahead, like a zombie on crack, but when it comes to the cross over and the other person was weak and succumbed to the pressure of the dark side of the brain and you feel it, like a branding iron on your arm, they're touching you and it's do or die time. You have to channel your inner leonardo dicaprio and give the most convincing shocked look you can muster and utter the words "omg, I didn't even see you there, I was totally in my own little world" you know deep down you didn't nail that, the look of disappointment on their face confirms it. They're not just disappointed in your lie they are also disappointed they were not strong enough to resist the temptation. Now you're stuck there in the middle of the street awkwardly searching for something to talk about until you finally just give in and say the same old conversation that you have with everyone...
"So how you been?"
"Good mate yourself?"
"Yeah good. What you been up to?"
" nothing much just working, you?"
"Same mate, always working"
"Haha yeah, anyway mate I best be off, nice seeing you"
"Ah okay mate. yeah we'll catch up soon, see you later"
With a fleeting handshake which is filled with regret you can continue on with your day wondering to yourself why that conversation even exists!
Of course later on when you're in your home and safe behind the walls or people barricades as I like to call them you text the person you bumped into and tell them everything that you have done other than work, right down to the impressive size of the last poo you had, well they are your best friend after all. You arrange for a weekend booze up and attend, laugh, joke and drink, neither one of you mentioning the horrors of the other day, but both knowing deep down it was a friendship test and you passed.
Another thing that is just THE most awkward thing on the planet, can you guess? When someone says something to you like "Happy Birthday" and you reply "yeah you too".... oh my god. The shame.
You walk away thinking that persons estimations of you just went down to ground floor level. It's one of those things that you think about 15 years later and still get embarrassed by it, knowing full well that it was 15 years ago and the person that you said it to is...
1) Probably not in your life anymore
2) Probably has not even thought about it once in the last 15 years
However something comes on the TV and it reminds you of that moment and boom, mortified at work, red as beetroot, feeling as hot as the sun. Then slowly calming down after a long period of time, 6 panic attacks, a beer, a shower (rocking backward and forward on the floor with your clothes on) and a cry you forget about it and it lays dormant until the next time.
How far away does someone have to be to be considered too far away to hold the door open for them? Like you know that the person behind you is heading the same way as you, and will eventually be arriving at the door you will be going through first (of course you don't want them to know you have seen them as we have discussed in the start of the blog). Now, you have to try and judge how close they are behind you using a very intense formula of speed of walking and distance between you to determine how close they will be once you reach the door. Listening for how far they are works to and sometimes you can catch them out of the corner of your eye. JUST DO NOT TURN ROUND, you don't want to risk a conversation and hopefully they don't either. Unless they are literally right behind you then you should always just let the door close behind you, they have a key, they can do it. If they are right behind you, hold the door open give a slight nod and a "you're welcome" assuming they said thank you. If they did not say thank you ensure you never hold the door for them again, slam the door and lock from the inside. Fuck them.
Any way got to go it was nice seeing you, well catch up later.
Kieren
"So how you been?"
"Good mate yourself?"
"Yeah good. What you been up to?"
" nothing much just working, you?"
"Same mate, always working"
"Haha yeah, anyway mate I best be off, nice seeing you"
"Ah okay mate. yeah we'll catch up soon, see you later"
With a fleeting handshake which is filled with regret you can continue on with your day wondering to yourself why that conversation even exists!
Of course later on when you're in your home and safe behind the walls or people barricades as I like to call them you text the person you bumped into and tell them everything that you have done other than work, right down to the impressive size of the last poo you had, well they are your best friend after all. You arrange for a weekend booze up and attend, laugh, joke and drink, neither one of you mentioning the horrors of the other day, but both knowing deep down it was a friendship test and you passed.
Another thing that is just THE most awkward thing on the planet, can you guess? When someone says something to you like "Happy Birthday" and you reply "yeah you too".... oh my god. The shame.
You walk away thinking that persons estimations of you just went down to ground floor level. It's one of those things that you think about 15 years later and still get embarrassed by it, knowing full well that it was 15 years ago and the person that you said it to is...
1) Probably not in your life anymore
2) Probably has not even thought about it once in the last 15 years
However something comes on the TV and it reminds you of that moment and boom, mortified at work, red as beetroot, feeling as hot as the sun. Then slowly calming down after a long period of time, 6 panic attacks, a beer, a shower (rocking backward and forward on the floor with your clothes on) and a cry you forget about it and it lays dormant until the next time.
How far away does someone have to be to be considered too far away to hold the door open for them? Like you know that the person behind you is heading the same way as you, and will eventually be arriving at the door you will be going through first (of course you don't want them to know you have seen them as we have discussed in the start of the blog). Now, you have to try and judge how close they are behind you using a very intense formula of speed of walking and distance between you to determine how close they will be once you reach the door. Listening for how far they are works to and sometimes you can catch them out of the corner of your eye. JUST DO NOT TURN ROUND, you don't want to risk a conversation and hopefully they don't either. Unless they are literally right behind you then you should always just let the door close behind you, they have a key, they can do it. If they are right behind you, hold the door open give a slight nod and a "you're welcome" assuming they said thank you. If they did not say thank you ensure you never hold the door for them again, slam the door and lock from the inside. Fuck them.
Any way got to go it was nice seeing you, well catch up later.
Kieren
I *hate* the awkwardness of whether or not to hold the door open... I hate it when you misjudge and have to hold it open too long, so you know you are putting pressure on them.. and I realllly hate when someone does it to me, and I do a strange jog-hop-skip to try and speed myself through and not hold them up.. and try to make it look like it's a natural 'thing I do' while knowing I look like a fecking plank.
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